Pokémon GO Ends All Geopolitical Conflict, New Disputes Over Pokéstops Emerge

WORLDWIDE― Upon the release of the popular augmented reality video game Pokémon GO, world leaders across the globe have agreed upon sanctions that have essentially ended all international conflict, terrorism, and a seemingly never-ending struggle for dwindling resources- in a miracle that apparently, only Pokémon could do.

Our interviewers got the chance to speak with an ecstatic President Obama, shortly after the meeting adjourned. “It just started out like any of our normal summits, I was expecting Putin and I to start going at each other’s throats. Then, he started looking around the room because his secret police force had informed him that there was a Growlithe in the center of the room”, Obama said excitedly. “Then, when my informants found the Growlithe first, I allowed Putin to capture it. And, the rest is history. Our countries are officially allies”.

However, these peaceful times may not last long. Many political analysts at the NSA among other international organizations feel that the worst is yet to come. Control over Pokéstops in war-torn countries like Saudi Arabia and Iran are predicted to launch the world into a third world war, wrought with thermonuclear devastation and the inevitable demise of our species.

The senior analyst for counterterrorism at the Pentagon is worried, to say the least: “Look, I think it’s great that we’re not fighting over oil or ideological beliefs now. But, if anything I’m more nervous about the state of the United States’ international affairs than ever, at this point. Our researchers have found upwards of 500 pokéstops in previously occupied war zones”, the anonymous analyst warns. “I imagine the fervor to control these bases will be even more powerful than for oil, or any other tangible commodity. He who controls the pokéstops, controls the world”.

We’ll have to wait and see what Pokémon GO turns our society into. Until then, we’ll see you on the battlefield!

-7/10/2016-

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