MOUNTAIN VIEW― Young 22 year old Aaron Maenner is speculated to have purchased slightly over 3 pounds of marijuana, prior to the release of the new space exploration game, “No Man’s Sky”. In the game, players travel through deep space to randomly generated galaxies and planets filled with exotic creatures, all while being entirely blitzed out of their fucking minds.
“I heard there’s something like 18 quintillion distinct worlds with their own original features and animals”, Maenner shared excitedly. “Which means I’m going to need a lot of pot to pull this off”.
Maenner was spotted driving a U-Haul to his local Taco Bell later that day, in which eyewitnesses described him as a soldier preparing for a long and tumultuous adventure.