SOMEWHERE IN THE AMAZON JUNGLE— After an intense voting session took place in the Senate today, Vice President Mike Pence used his power to break the tie and pass a bill which puts Planned Parenthood one step closer to becoming defunded on the federal level. The bill allows states to deny Planned Parenthood federal funding.
Mike Pence was then seen walking towards an unoccupied room in the White House, carefully scanning the premises to confirm that no one was spying on him. He then teleported out of the room and into an ominous temple in the Amazon Jungle, likely to consult The Elder Ones for further instructions now that he has successfully completed his task for them.
“O, Elder Ones. I have done your bidding. Planned Parenthood will be gone within the year, thanks to the vote I cast today”, he said in a trembling voice while bowing down to the mysterious, omnipotent beings looking down upon him.
“Good, Pence”, they all telepathically communicated to him in unison. “You have been very loyal to Us. Your dedication to our cause will not go unrewarded”, they continued.
“Will it be over soon? I want ultimate power at my finger tips. I want to feel what it is like to be one of you”, the Vice President of the United States said while avoiding eye contact with the strange beings.
“Soon, Pence. Soon you will get your wish. Soon our mission will be complete”, said The Elders. “Mike, listen carefully. We need you to convince the humans that climate change is false. It is imperative for our mission. Do it now.”
“Yes of course, O Great Elders. Thank you”, Pence said, excited to be one step closer to completely betraying the entire human race with his actions in government.