After Massive Flop, $100M Juicero’s Board Of Directors Works On Next Move In Warehouse Full Of Juice

After just 16 months of business, a venture-capital backed start-up that wanted to help make juicing easier for people has suspended its production. The machine, whose unit-price has declined from $699 to $400 over the course of their launch, was widely criticized for being completely redundant. Videos proliferated the internet highway of people using their hands and simply squeezing the packets themselves, ultimately rendering the defamed Juicero useless.

This won’t stop their resilient board of directors. A person familiar with the company’s recent challenges reported that the board has conducted a meeting in the warehouse containing a $30 million oversupply of unsold juice packets, after the company defaulted on their rent in a stunning San Fransisco office building.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice, everyone,” the CEO Jeff Dunn started after taking a long squeeze of their most popular Pomegranate-flavored juice packet. “Firstly, I just want you all to know that this is just a minor setback in our journey on revolutionizing the way people drink juice,” he continued while trying to hold back tears.

An earlier critique and venture capitalist who requested to remain anonymous commented, “I’ve seen lemonade stands run by 7-year-olds more successful than this juice company.”

Analysts give the company a 5% chance of maintaining a functioning business after 10 years, and a .001% chance of revolutionizing the juice industry in any meaningful way.

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